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I knew even then one of my biggest responsibilities as a mother was to help him grow to be a man who could love and be loved. Same goes for the word “slut.” Related pro tip: Nothing makes someone “psycho” faster than when you aren’t direct about breaking up with her. Everyone you date will someday either be an ex or a spouse.

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Today, my husband made a joke about kissing, and instead of recoiling in horror, our firstborn gave us an arched eyebrow and commented vaguely about needing “practice in that area.” My eyes met my husband’s, and we knew: here we are. I only hope I can convey them to him in a way that he will both listen and understand in these next many years. When you are being your genuine self, you are most attractive to the people who will be healthiest for you. If you knew what girls are going through in comparison, you wouldn’t flinch at these small requests. It’s not about the gift itself; it is about the act of giving and about the message that you remember, and you cherish. We are not genetically predisposed to deal with such things. Double duty In my house, we allowed dating to start at 9th grade.But for my daughter, the boy had to be willing to go on a "double date" with my husband and I first.It has been a journey that began with tiny little steps, then the occasional leap or stair step, and now the sudden arrival at the destination I am not sure I ever allowed myself to envision: the Age of Hormones. When all is said and done, you want to be with someone who can talk to you, talk to your friends, and laugh with you and make you laugh. Justin Bieber is cute and very talented (in my boring mom opinion), but the saggy pants and that sideways hat tell me that his maturity has not yet reached the level of his talent. Soon, he’ll be stepping out onto the dance floor to begin the dance of adolescence — to fall and be fallen for, to careen from the low lows to the high highs, to feel his heart fill and to feel his heart break, and then to feel how it mends itself, slowly, and only with the balm of time and experience. It’s harder to find that combination than you think. While you are at it, brush your teeth and wear deodorant. To make things even more complicated, sometimes girls will offer themselves to you, sober or not, and you will know that you don’t want the same thing they want or that the situation isn’t healthy for them or for you. You don’t have to lavish anyone with extravagant baubles or dozens of roses, but always give your loved one gifts of some kind on birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. When you love someone, you have to work for that relationship.